sabulana: (Default)
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A book, chocolate and red wine. <3
sabulana: (Default)
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I tend to ignore the people who yell insults at me in the street. I don't know them and they don't know me so I don't know why they're bothering to try to rile me up at all. But in the end, their opinion doesn't matter to me at all. After I've turned the corner, I'll never see them again so why should I give them any attention at all?

And all of that is assuming I hear them at all. I usually have my iPod on and am ignoring almost everything else around me except for traffic. It's a rare day when I don't have it when I'm on my own - no one bugs me when I'm out with my boyfriend or anyone else.

Although sometimes, I actually find their comments kinda funny... like the times I'm compared to Hermione Granger only they can't remember her name so I become "that smart witch out of Harry Potter!" They don't seem to get that I thik that's a compliment though...
sabulana: (Blah blah blah)
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This username, 'darkleporidae' was suggested by a friend. 'Leporidae' is the latin term for rabbit and back when I made this account, I think bunnies was one of the things most of my friends associated with me. I had the nickname 'Stab-bunny' for a while. XD And 'dark' at the front because I was all goth back then. >_>

My other username, the one I introduce myself as online, is Sabulana. That is the one I use most often. I had an account under that name on LJ but I had to abandon it and made this one instead. That username came from an African myth I read. I liked the sound of it so... *yoink* and now most people call me Sabby. ^^

If I was going to change either username... it would have to be 'darkleporidae', if only because it is so damn hard to spell! I don't know what I would change it to though. Maybe I'll read another book of myths and get some ideas.
sabulana: (Cloud hearts~)
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I think.... I would be a blanket~ To keep everyone cosy and warm in the cold. <3 I would be a fuzzy blanket of love.
sabulana: (Sword swallowing wtf)
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I've always been bothered by my shyness. For years, I've been afraid to speak up and stuff. I'm scared of what people might say, scared of bothering them, scared I'll upset them somehow or they don't want to speak with me and so on.

I've been trying to hide how I feel when talking to others more and more inrecent years so now I appear quite confident. Not shy at all, apparently. Except I still fell that way...

Oddly enough, I'm far more shy online and more likely to let my insecurities get the better of me when I'm talking to people over the internet. I'm terrible when it comes to sending the first IM. I dither for hours over PMing someone I've not spoken to before. I'll eye posts I want to respond to in RP for a long time before I either decide to risk it and post a response or give up and close the tab down.

So... I guess that's my insecurity. Well, one of them. I'm worried about interacting with people. I do worry a bit if they like me or not but only if I like them - whether it be as a friend or otherwise. If not and I won't see them again or much at all then I tend not to care what they think of me. Is that contradictory? To be scared of talking to people for a few reasons only I don't actually give a damn what most people think about me? ^^;
sabulana: (Default)
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I like giving gifts. I like knowing that something I've done has made someone happy, even for a little while. In all honesty, I can say I like giving gifts more than I like recieving them.

But I get really fucking pissed off when people act like that is all the holiday season is about. Whenever it gets to this time of year, all I hear from certain people is 'Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? What are you getting for everyone?"

I can't fucking afford lots of presents for everyone in my life. Fuck off and stop attempting to make me feel guilty because it's not working. In fact, things like that make me feel determined not to buy anything for anyone just becausen of some over-commecialised holiday.

...yeah, for the record - I hate the time leading up to Christmas and have done for years now. I hate Christmas carols andshit like that. I hate that everything is supposed to be jolly and happy. I have no goddamn 'Christmas Spirit' and I'm quite happy that way, thank you very much. That said though, I do enjoy the day itself because I spend it with my family, sitting around a table eating and drinking and making merry and all that stuff. That's the best thing about this time of year - the few hours I spend with my family. Before they start driving me up the fucking wall and I want to run away and hide myself upstairs.
sabulana: (Default)
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I would be a cat because cats get to sleep all day. *yawns*

I am so goddamn tired.
sabulana: (Default)
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I don't like to say what I think people should and shouldn't read. Everyone has their own tastes, after all, and if I tell them to read a book and they don't like it, I'll feel bad for making them read it.

I will, however, make plenty of recommendations. If I was going to recommend any book... it would probably be Good Omens by Tery Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

Otherwise... any other book either of those authors has written. XD
sabulana: (Blah blah blah)
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I'm never going to really complain about my childhood or the way I was brought up but there are some things I wish my parents had done and some things I wish they hadn't done. I wish they hadn't smacked me and my brother when we were naughty - it was enough of a punishment at the time but now I find myself wondering if that is why I lash out and hit people in anger sometimes, though I only hit either my brother or my boyfriend and even then, not so much anymore. I'm calming down, I think. >.> I used to hit almost everyone in my family when I was little though, only to be told 'Don't hit!" and then be smacked for it... mixed signals indeed... >.>

I also wish my dad hadn't used me to set off the house alarm when I was little to torment my mother - I can only assume that was his reason now though he told me he was 'testing' it. I wondered even then why he had me walk into the middle of the room a few times to set it off when my mother and brother were still asleep. If I had been older, perhaps I would have told him no but I wouldn't even have been five years old at the time.

Then there is the way they handled the divorce... Neither parent told me about it. My mother picked me up from school one day when I was supposed to be going home with a friend and then we spent several weeks with her parents until my gran turned around one day and said "You know your parents are getting divorced right?" and since I had no idea what a divorce was, she had to explain the whole thing. I think I would rather had heard it from my parents - I still don't know the reasons for it but I do know for a fact it was nothing to do with me and my brother - not with the way they fought for custody. If we were the cause, why would they want to keep us, after all? I never felt neither of them loved us. I do remember my dad telling me once that me and Adam might have to go into court to decide which parent we wanted to live with though, which made me feel absolutely awful. How was I ever supposed to choose between them? I didn't tell anyone until much later about that but I'm glad it never happened. I wish he'd never said it. I'll never forget how terrified I was that I would have to do that, go up in front of strangers and announce which parent I would rather live with. What if one of them hated me afterward? I never had to, in the end and my mother won custody, something I'm actually very glad about.

And that, I think, covers all my childhood problems within my family... Got a little long there but it's nice to get it out in words. I've told others this though and though some people may feel resentment towards my dad for divorcing my mother (it was a mutual decision, I think, even though I still do not know why they split but the fact that he was a spiteful bastard at times likely had something to do with it), I'm glad they split. Most of my memories of the time before they split were of arguments or my mother being upset after another argument. I'm glad I didn't grow up with that all my life. Living with my grandparents was actually pretty great - but I think that's a ramble for another time.
sabulana: (don't cry for me)
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For the last TWO WEEKS I have had this song stuck in my head.


Normally, in such situations, listening to it will let my mind move on and find a different song but that's just not working lately. Will I ever be free of this song?
sabulana: (Default)
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My top three favourites are chocolate, pasta and bacon. All in more-or-less first place... I couldn't ever decide on what I like more, which may surprise some people who know me well. Everyone thinks that all I enjoy eating is chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate. It actually shocks them to know I have favourites as well... Certain brands and things. I can't really argue against this opinion of me either, because I've done nothing to discourage it... Even encouraged it when joking around with my friends. ^^;

Anyway... least favourite foods.

Tofu. Absolutely hate tofu.
Tomatoes - I can manage tomato ketchup on my chips but that's it. I don't mind tomato being in food like pasta dishes and stuff either but just tomatos on their own, I can't stand.
Mayonaise. I can't stand mayonaise. I used to eat tuna mayo sandwiches all the time when I was younger but now I can't eat it at all. I can't eat tuna much - unless it's covered in tomato stuff and eaten with pasta... but mayonaise.. can't stand it.

...Except for the spicy mayo stuff in the Mexican Chicken sandwiches at Greggs. ^^;
sabulana: (Default)
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Tofu. It is an unholy abomination that should never ever be allowed to foul my plate or anyone else's ever again. Thank fuck my brother got out of his vegetarian phase and i don't have to put up with tofu curries any more. Ew.

I didn't mind the quorn though. Quorn isn't that bad. But really. Give me meat any day. >.> Mmmm meat. ... I want a burger now... Or bacon. God. I would love a bacon sandwich...

Also rabbit should never be eaten. Not only are bunnies cute and cuddly while alive and should stay that way, rabbit tastes fucking disgusting. >.>
sabulana: (Default)
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I often remember my dreams, but with differing amounts of detail. If I liked them enough, then I'll write the dreams down in a special book but I tend not to analyze them. As for recurring dreams... lately, I've been  dreaming of the world post-apocalypse. They're not really happy dreams but they aren't nightmares either. It's odd. Life is more of a struggle and there are a lot of strange things going on that I don't fully understand in these dreams but I like having them. I feel better if I've dreamed the night before, even if it wasn't a good dream. ^^;
sabulana: (DO NOT WANT)
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I'd rather have a low paying job I enjoy, to be honest. For example - I could have waited for more on the receptionist job I was offered but the pay was £6.50 per hour. Instead, I took the job which pays £7.00 per hour and I am pretty much fucking miserable the whole time. There are all of three people I work with who I am not terrified of on some level and everyone expects me to magically know what to do when no one bothered to show me what is apparently the important bits. So I'm just sort of bumbling along being not very happy and I can't wait until next week when the woman I'm covering for comes back and sorts out the mess I've left behind.
sabulana: (Default)
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I suppose I would think I had gone mad for a while but I'd get used to it pretty quickly. I'd probably end up keeping it to myself though... But on the plus side, I could treat my pets the same as ever and no one would be any the wiser. XD I already talk to my pets and pretend I understand them. Not that it's hard, really. I can tell when they want to be fed and when they want attention. I don't need to know much more than that. ^_^
sabulana: (Default)
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Well... They'd probably demand I put them down. >.> Then Raz would beg to go outside but since he would spend the entire time cowering in terror under the neighbour's bush, the answer is no. Lolly will want scratching or to be left alone to sleep. Spike...would tell me to turn the fucking music down. XD
sabulana: (don't cry for me)
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If I were invisible, I'd probably just sneak into the cinema. Bunch of films I want to see lately and no money to go see them.

And if I could get away with it, I'd be stealing a whole bunch of stuff as well. >.> Do you have any idea how many books I''m looking for that I simply cannot find? So yeah, bookstore raid! And I take pretty much all of the stuff in Doc Black too, including those ridiculous high heels I saw in there last time. <3 ...I have a rather long list of things I want. I'd not even be able to steal it all in once day, damn it.

As for discovering things...

Well, I don't intend to use it to spy on anyone so all that I'd find out is how many books I can carry before collapsing under the weight of them all.
sabulana: (Default)
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I think it was a couple years ago when I last went on holiday with my family. We were stuck on a boat for two weeks, no internet access at all. I don't think I had any 'withdrawal pains' though. Just the regular pains of trying to wrap my mind around my grandmother's logic and dealing with my brother without pushing him overboard. XD

If I remember correctly, I missed someone's attempt to drag me into fandom wank that time too. Only heard about it when I came back. I forget what it was even about now but still. Wish I'd seen it. >.>

I do go without internet access regularly though. I don't get online much when I go to stay with my boyfriend because he's normally on his computer and if he isn't, then it is because there is some problem with it. I do miss getting online at those times though - I fall behind with all my RP and miss chatting online with people but since it happens regularly and it's only for a couple days a week, I can deal with it. Some stuff is more important than being online and I would never say that the internet my whole life.

Just about 80% of it.
sabulana: (Default)
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I wouldn't ban anything. Teenagers are curious and rebellious, mostly anyway. Banning something is only going to make them more determined to get their hands on it and read it and then be more influenced by it because it's 'bad' somehow and they're trying to be seen as tough/cool/whatever.

Me, I had nothing to rebel against when I was a teenager. My mother pretty much accepted everything I did even if we had different viewpoints on certain things. She ended up being more of a friend than a parental figure most of the time. But we never had an argument over anything. She may have seen my interest in Wicca as nonsense but she never told me to stop buying the books.
sabulana: (Default)
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Sometimes I do, especially if I am working on a story specifically for a certain someone. I wouldn't sacrifice characterisation to make someone happy though. It helps more than it puts me off. I think of how it will cheer them up once I'm done. But mostly, when I work on stories just for me, I write it so that I am happy with it and screw everyone else. If they like it, that's fine and if they don't...well, I'm not forcing anyone to read it, am I?

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Sabulana

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